A hurricane just left the southeast Texas coast. Ike was a monster.
Thousands of people have been displaced, millions inconvenienced, and at last count a handful have been killed. But, despite the catastrophy commerce must go on according to some telemarketers and online pitchmen.
One day after the storm a co-worker received a phone call at the office that went something like this.
"Hello."
"Uh, this is Ms. Totallyoblivious calling from T-Mobile regarding the contract on your cell phone."
"Excuse me . . . but, you're not from Houston are you?" he asked.
"Why, no. Why do you ask?"
"We've just had a HURRICANE here," he said.
To which she responded, "I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay?"
"Yes," he said.
"Good. Now back to your T-Mobile contract!"
He hung up.
Before the wind gusts had dropped to 65 miles per hour, similar corporate boneheads were firing off emails into areas around Houston with no phones, no water, limited gasoline, impassible roads and no electricity.
Though clearing the yard of debris was my priority, the Blackberry constantly buzzed with messages from marketing webmasters who thought otherwise. A website called flowgofun.com wanted to let me know that I could hear a puppet named Sally explain why puppets don't fart and the dangers of photocopying my butt. Awesome!
Something called Pedipaws, "the incredible pet nail trimmer", wanted to let folks know that with their product and the equally incredible Shed-Ender, they would never have to worry about pet-scratched furniture again. I'm sure that is great comfort to those along the Gulf coast who no longer have any furniture or pets.
e-Toys had a great free shipping offer on more than 500 items. Unfortunately, UPS and FedEx are not currently delivering to all areas of metro Houston, but what the heck! It's still a great offer.
Redenvelope.com will let me save 20% on my next order, if I order online by Tuesday, September 23, 2008. Think about this. More than 99% of southeast Texas has no electricity, so . . . No power + No working computer = No online shopping. Guess who is not smarter than a 5th Grader?
Now I know where to order a "Wishing You A Speedy Hurricane Recovery" bouquet for all my friends with collapsed ceilings, fallen trees and flooded cars. Proflowers.com will give me "24 roses perfect for any occasion" and an extra 25% off TODAY! How did I get so lucky?
According to the e-ad, had I only used Tarot.com before the hurricane I could have learned to decode my dreams in order to find the shortest lines for gasoline, decide how much propane to buy for the grill and what day heavy trash pick up would be. Am I a loser or what?
Underground.Biz.com offered me the opportunity to start earning "between $200 and $900 a day working from home!" Why would I want to work from home? I have no air conditioning, no phone and the ice chest is alarmingly low on Shiner Bock. But, with "no experience necessary" tagged to the bottom of the page . . . I just have to give it a try, don't you think?
I should have probably forwarded the email from ShamWow! to my neighbor across the street, but I didn't. This amazing product promises that "You'll say WOW everytime with ShamWow! as it holds over 20 times its weight in liquids and is "perfect for household spills". It seems that neighbor left town before the storm without securing his front door. He got nine straight hours of blowing rain and debris throughout the first floor. All I can say is, ShamWow! Poor timing.
