Changes I Don't Get

The older I get, the more things seem to change around me. I realize that some change is inevitable. But, many of these changes sneaked up on me without warning, or else I was too preoccupied with other issues to take notice. My kids growing up and starting out on their own, I get. But, when did my mustache turn completely gray? Where did this hair in my ears come from? It was never there before! And, what's with stray, wiry, extra long eye brows? You never see a thirtysomething guy with hairy ears and a salt and pepper fuzzy caterpillar unibrow above his eyes, so why me at my age? I am also having a tough time accepting this shift in body mass as it seems to continually settle around my waist and belly. I can't help it if I never kicked the Little Debbie Oatmeal Pie habit that began between games at Midway ball park when I was a kid. I blame the pusher moms in the concession stand who probably knew the long term effects of an oatmeal pie addiction, but were more concerned with making a buck for the League. At least back then I didn't have a gray mustache, hair growing in my ears or weird eyebrows. Personal issues aside, I have to ask, who's brilliant idea was it to combine three traditional holidays into one giant, mega holiday season. It's like I went to sleep last night and woke up to find that it was Hallogivingistmas and I hadn't even started my gift shopping! Halloween merchandise was in stores in late August. By early October it was 50 percent off and the shelf space was being filled with Beany Baby turkeys, Pilgrim candles and cornucopias of fake fall leaves and mini pumpkins. Then before the last Trick-or-Treater had left my doorstep, 10-foot tall inflatable Santas were on sale and store owners were decking the halls with boughs of holly. This has to stop before it really gets out of control. What's next? Poncho Cotton Tail delivering jalapenos to kiddies at Cinco de Easter? So, until the world comes to its senses and puts the holiday calendar back the way it was, have a Merry Hallogivingistmas and a Happy Newalentines Day.