A Jerry Springer Moment

It had the makings of an episode from the Jerry Springer Show. No, there were no flying chairs, no DNA tests or bleeped out "F" words. But, there was the foundation for a solid 30-minute segment on "Disfunctional Families Who Come Together To Celebrate A Child's Graduation From College - And Actually Get Along For The Weekend". My son Aaron graduated from Texas A&M University at Corpus Christi last weekend; a terrific achievement based on hard work and the fact that he's a really smart guy. It was the guest list that made this occasion almost laughable. It was one of those "you can't tell the players without a program" sort of events. Try to follow along: I was there with my ex-wife, Audrey, to celebrate our son's graduation. We get along well, so there were no issues there. My youngest son, Chris, was on-hand with his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Robin. Then there were my ex-in-laws, Margie and M.D.. Margie's ex-husband, Wally, was there with his wife, Jo. There was Audrey's sister, Vickie, with her daughter, Stephanie, and Stephanie's new boyfriend. Vickie's boyfriend, Whatshisname, wasn't there since she sent him packing several months ago. Audrey's step sister, Karen, was there with her longtime male companion, and her young granddaughter - the spittin' image of a Campbell Soup Kid. Still with me on this? Karen's brother, Michael, that is Audrey's step brother, showed up with his step daughter. I think Michael was the smart one having moved away to north Texas several years ago . . . it was good to see him even though he bears an uncanny resemblance to a young Bill Clinton. Now this part gets complicated so follow closely. My ex-wife's ex-husband, Ed, was there along with their daughter, Kelly - that is Aaron and Chris' half-sister. Throw in an equally colorful mix of family and friends on the side of Aaron's girlfriend, Dree, and you get a ready-made script for television. It was like a real life Soap Opera without the murders, money and champagne, though verbal backstabbing was alive and well, and the barbecue and cold beer couldn't have been better. Aaron and I even staged an impromptu "Baxter Boys Unplugged" performance of CCR and Jimmy Buffett for the crowd. Toss in a little "Dueling Banjos" and someone ordering a fat guy to "squeal like a pig" and the script would have been complete. God, I love living in Texas.